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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29986761">small</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/velmaddinkley/pseuds/velmaddinkley'>velmaddinkley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Magnus Archives (Podcast)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Agoraphobia, Fear of Open Spaces, Statement Fic, The Vast (The Magnus Archives) - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 18:01:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29986761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/velmaddinkley/pseuds/velmaddinkley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Case #0111511. Statement of Bernie Rogers, regarding an encounter with a spectral figure. Original statement given 2011, 15th of November.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>small</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ARCHIVIST</p><p>Statement of Bernie Rogers, regarding an encounter with a spectral figure. Original statement given 2011, 15th of November. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.</p><p>Statement begins.</p><p> </p><p>ARCHIVIST (STATEMENT)</p><p>For as long as I can remember, the phantom has always been there - watching me from afar, hovering above me, barely existing. If I got distracted, it seemed like it would disappear in the sunlight. It would eventually leave my sight, but never for good. When I opened my eyes again, it would be there. A lurker in the light.</p><p>I was born in 1985. Most kids don't really remember things until they're three years old. That's when the human memory starts developing itself, according to professionals. There are, of course, exceptions ot that rule, such as people who can remember their own births. I can't remember being born, but my memories go back way longer than that. Most professionals I went to see said this was likely my imagination, or memories I created in order to suppress other things.  I always smiled and nodded when people said that, but it didn't feel like that to me. It's why I decided to tell my story.</p><p>I remember my first memory very vividly, although I'm not sure when exactly it happened. I suppose it was before I was one year old. I remember opening my eyes and seeing people leaning onto the crib to look at me, smiling, and the phantom was right behind them, perched onto the ceiling. </p><p>The phantom had no face. It had two arms, two legs and a head, shaped like a person, but no sight of a face or an expression. It was perfectly shaped like a person, but it stood over the ceiling like a person couldn't.</p><p>My second memory after that is opening my eyes into the ceiling, alone this time. There was a low light coming from the window - I had no concept of time, but I suppose it was early in the sunrise. I couldn't hear no one in the room, but the shadow was there, clinging to the spot where the wall meets the ceiling.</p><p>Perhaps describing it as a phantom doesn't really do it justice. It didn't exactly present itself as the shadow of someone who had died and then came back to life. But when I grew up and learned that people didn't experience seeing something like I did, it became hard to put things in words, and when I learned the concept of ghosts, it seemed to me like this would be the closest I would get to communicate this experience.</p><p>The funny thing is that, even though human shaped, I couldn't really tell when it began and where it ended. It merged with the surroundings and to me it seemed as big as eternity could be. But everything seems like a lesson of what eternity is like when you're a three month old, of course.</p><p>It stopped showing up way before I learned to talk and express myself, but I never once forgot it, or understood it. I can't really pinpoint the exact moment that it stopped. It was very gradual. As long as I grew up, it stopped following me. I sometimes saw it in the distance, watching me, but it never came closer.  Sometimes, from times to time, I could swear I saw a glimpse of it, like an old friend who decided to visit me. But it never lingered enough to see me.</p><p>But I learned to go on with my life, which is as normal and regular as anyone's. Last summer, I went on a trip to an island in Greece with my family. I'd finally become stable enough in my job to afford us something nice like this. I'd never travelled abroad before, so everything was definitely fascinating for me. It was all very romantic and beautiful, but nothing that I expected to get weird.</p><p>I think we had been there for three days when I saw it. The beach was rather crowded and I'd decided to get up from where I was sitting to get closer to the sea. I walked towards the waves slowly, feeling the sun against my skin. The water was clear enough to produce sparkles when met by the  water, and I admired it until I realized some of these sparkles had a very peculiar shape.</p><p>It took me a while to recognize my old friend. It stood impossibly in the distance, so far that I narrowed my eyes at the sight. My heart sank in my chest when I realized what was in front of me.</p><p>I was hit with a feeling that I hadn't had for so many years, so ancient that it had disappeared from my memories completely. It was the sensation of being so absurdly small - something I didn't even register vanishing. It had stopped as long as I grew and learned to walk on the world. I couldn't tell where the phantom began and where it ended, but I fixed my eyes on it and walked forward into the waves. I needed to know and understand.</p><p>Before I could reach it, I felt the water touching my chin. I blinked surprisedly, and looked down. To my surprise, I'd reached a rather deep water level, which shouldn't be possible - I'd just been near the sand. I turned around, and to my despair, the sand was barely a yellow scratch in the distance.</p><p>My first impulse was to swim back, but I didn't want to give up on the phantom - not now that I'd gotten so close to it. I turned back to face it, but before I could say or do anything, it dismantled in front of my eyes, becoming a cloud. I looked up, but I couldn't tell which cloud it was, for there were so many. Around me, everything was blue, stretching into infinity. I wondered how I could have forgotten the feeling of being a newborn, of being so small in comparison to everything else. Because no matter how much I'd grown, this hasn't really changed significantly. I tried to swim back, but the stream pushed me back. It pushed me further and there was nothing I could do to change that, because I was <em>so</em> incredibly small.</p><p>The lifeguards found me before I was too late. When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded by people who had gathered to watch it as they saved my life. My family was there. I wanted to run to them, to hug them, but I felt dizzy as I tried to stand - as if the reflex of swimming had stayed in my body. For the rest of the trip, I didn't go near the water, and the phantom never returned again.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank u for reading!<br/>I'm sporry if there are any typos, I didn't have a beta<br/>please feel free to let me know what you thought!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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